Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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