in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
