i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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