i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
