no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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