I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
