the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
