I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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