Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
