Just mADE A PArabola og urine
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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