you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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