I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
