I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
