A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
