I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He better not be in your backpack
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
