please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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