is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
