booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
