:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
