I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
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