Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
What a dumb baby whore.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
