I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
