Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
