Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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