i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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