I hate all girls vehemently.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
