just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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