What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
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