ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
