We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
