im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Randomize
