Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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