Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
