oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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