why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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