found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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