Im at strip club and am horny
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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