I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
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We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
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Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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