idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
