i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
