There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
