why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
