Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
