Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just found a bag of teeth...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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