This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize