Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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