did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
