I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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