im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
