Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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