You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Can you bring me the toilet please
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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