Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
