If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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