I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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