She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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