you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
