The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
