No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
