We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
