I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I have tasted many bathrooms
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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