Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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