Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
They took my balls.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
