I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
