I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
