I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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