I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
