u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
