So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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